Taking Stock at the Start of 2017

 It's now 2017, and it is time to take stock of what's important in my life. Certainly, my family is at the top of the list. I am eternally grateful for all of them. My husband continues to be my rock and my anchor. My 94 year old mother keeps life interesting, as do my adult kids, their partners, a beautiful and precocious grandchild and a grand-dog. They all are my thousand points of light that make up our anything-but-normal family.

 However, lately I've found myself on the fence about things outside of heart, hearth and home. I've relatively successfully transitioned from being a skate mom to being a skating mom. (There is a difference - a slightly lower level of crazy and a somewhat higher level of respect.) I don't  wear a hair shirt or flail about wailing at the loss of my previous life. I have other things to occupy my time. 

To a degree, however, that is my conundrum. 

For the second straight year, I am heading to Nationals as a spectator and not a skate mom. It is an important season for all skaters hoping to make it to PyeongChang in 2018. This is a dress rehearsal, of sorts. This is the competition where skaters will start to jockey for position and show that they are worthy opponents on the frozen world stage. Of course, next year in San Jose everything will be on the line. This year, though, we will see who stands out - and stands up to the pressure. 

This year, however, I'm going not only for the standout stories, but for the ones that are lesser known, among them is competitor-turned coach-turned competitor again, Dennis Phan. 

The same age as my son, I watched Dennis compete for many years. He was a US National Champion at Junior and a Junior Grand Prix Gold Medalist. His last senior competition was Spokane in 2010. A beautiful, stylist, Dennis did  shows and then turned to coaching. However, at 31 he felt he had not put a period at the end of his competitive sentence. Against odds, he began training again. He competed at Regionals and qualified. I watched him compete at Sectionals here in Colorado where he took Bronze. I watched him tear up with pride knowing that he had done something most adult skaters would not even dream of doing after not competing for six years. I will be there to watch him skate beautifully, for his family, friends, his coaches and himself. That will be a victory in a season of personal and professional growth. I, for one, will stand and applaud.

I will also cheer loudly for many others who continue to train hard, ignoring the sands of time that are inevitably sifting slowly to the bottom of the glass. These are the heroes of our sport. Some better known; some not. They exist in all disciplines and they continue to fight to do it their way against what others would consider insurmountable odds. They are the warriors, the soldiers and the cement that allows ice to take shape. They do not melt; they continue to add layers for the next generation of dreamers and doers. 

Why is this a conundrum for me? I should be there looking at the bigger picture, and I will most certainly be doing that. I will cheer for the men, ladies, pairs and dancers, most of whom I've known since they were mere babes on blades. My heart is with them as they make their statement about representing Team USA in 2018. I know what they are going through right now. It is all too familiar. It is a level of nerves that strikes me to the core. 


 So, I'm taking stock of what matters to me right now, and that is seeing the lesser publicized stories play out on the ice in Kansas City. It's important to remember that each skater who earned a spot by qualifying through Regionals and Sectionals made a personal statement. They worked hard to get there and they deserve their moment, and our respect. 

 

Nothing But The Truth - From My Perspective

Since 2009, when I began writing "Life on the Edge of Skating," the intent was to have it be from my perspective as a skating mother following the journey from the stands, imparting Yoda-like wisdom along the way and seasoning it with a large dose of humor. What it has always been about, however, is perspective.

There is a fine line between perspective and truth. Unfortunately, we are seeing that in every aspect of our lives these days. Except for death and taxes, there is little else that is absolute truth; the rest is how you perceive it to be - it's your truth because you're living it.

Thus it is with skating - and with moving on. The "truth" is (at least for me) the transition from being a skating mom to being whatever-it-is I am now has been much simpler than I thought.

Don't misunderstand. I still love skating with a deep and abiding passion, it's just that my perspective has changed. Instead of looking from the inside out through frosted windows where everything has a fun house mirror effect, my perspective has broadened. I don't find myself automatically turning onto the road where the rink is when I'm driving past. As a matter of fact, I rarely think about it any more.
 I rarely go to competitions, except for Nationals which is an annual (slightly dysfunctional) "family reunion" that I wouldn't miss for the world, unless other things in life get in the way.

Okay, I have to come clean. Truth:

• I am still wearing the earrings my skater gave me when he was seven years old - the ones I said I would retire when he finished competing. 
• I can't bear to pack away the years of costumes that still occupy too much space in a closet. 
• I still watch YouTube videos. 
• I still stand and cheer. 
• I still occasionally cry. 
• I am always and forever grateful and proud. 
• I will always and forever be a skating mom. 
•  Every E ticket paid out provided a thrilling ride.
•  Every friend I've made along the way has given me far more than I could ever give them. 
• Everything that's happened has shaped us into the people we are and the family we continue to be.
  
  

And that's the truth - at least from my perspective.

We Are Family

I am going to St. Paul for Nationals. This decision did not come easily since our skater is not competing. On the other hand, all the stars aligned with nothing critical scheduled for that weekend at work, with excellent airfare, tickets and company offered by a good friend who won tickets in our auction benefiting the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research. 

Kismet.

I posted on social media that I was going and it was like opening floodgates. Suddenly, everyone of my friends responded. From fans to coaches, skaters and media people the replies were the same. "That's so exciting! I can't wait to get together!" 


That got me to thinking.

I'm an only child. Growing up, I was primarily raised with adults who were in the entertainment industry. I didn't have siblings, though I did have a step brother and sister I saw infrequently and for very short periods of time. My family world revolved around my parents, their friends and their friends' children. I had my friends at elementary and secondary school, then at university. They all came and went with the wind and I understand that. Lives change; interests change. 

It may surprise some of you that I am somewhat of an introvert. Yes, that is greatly at odds with what I do for a living; it is, however, something I learned at a young age being raised in a media family. When you are home, you can be yourself. However, when you are in public, it's Show Time! You're "on," no matter what. 

I mention all of this only because it puts in perspective the amount of surprise I felt with the reaction I received to my simple statement of attending my 14th US National Championships, and only the second without a "horse in the race," so to speak - the first being St. Louis when we attended because it was an Olympic year and we were in the first alternate slot. Tickets had been purchased and we wanted to see how different the vibe was when skaters were laying it all on the line for a trip to The Mountain. This made me realize that I was now a member of a like-minded, occasionally (okay, more than occasionally) dysfunctional family of people who look forward to this frozen reunion in places that are many times difficult to reach, are always expensive but are undoubtedly exciting and certainly fun. Like all families, there's that weird member you could do without seeing, but for the most part it is a time to renew acquaintances and recharge the soul. 

A good friend of mine, whom I don't see nearly enough, posted on Facebook today:

 "I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them . . ."

No truer words have ever been spoken when it comes to skating. Everyone I have met, interacted with; those I have kept close and those I have let go, have all taught me something - not only about the sport, but about myself as a person. I have grown a lot in the past 27 years of being on both the inside and outside edge. 

So, I will pack my bags, my hat, scarf, boots and heart and head to St. Paul. After all,  I cannot think of anything better than having another chance to laugh, drink wine, cheer and hug. For those of you whom I will see at the Xcel Center in a few weeks, consider yourself warned: I'm that "crazy aunt" who will happily hold you close and give you a kiss, whether you want it or not. After all, we are family.

See you in St. Paul!

Dear Universe....

"Dear Universe,
Thank you for letting me live out my dreams since I was five years old. I know you're thinking there were other unfollowed follies in these 30 years of mine, but figure skating has always been my first and foremost love. So, I thank you.
Sincerely,
Me"

My son recently posted this on his Instagram and Twitter accounts for all the world to see. It not only made me very proud, it was corroboration that all those frozen moments of the past 26 years were worth every second. Not that I didn't already know, but to see it in print - to see the image and emotion of pure joy behind the words - actually took my breath away.

It also made me stop and think about what this sport can really mean to  skating parents like me as we transition into our new "Normal."   

Many of my son's contemporaries have now left competitive skating. They have moved on, but many have not moved out. I follow on Facebook and Twitter; I marvel at what they are still accomplishing - some without national and international titles; most without realizing the Olympic dreams they harbored since childhood. They have taken their passion for skating in new directions that will do nothing but improve the sport for the new generation coming to the ice. We have many who are touring the world doing shows, either with companies or on cruise ships. Their travel photos and posts of the places they've been and the things they've seen are better than I could have imagined.

Some have moved on to working as professional skaters and choreographers for companies who are exploring alternative movement on ice. It's exciting to see their creativity as they defy convention and push the boundaries of what we thought could be done.

Several skaters have moved directly into coaching and are bringing along exciting new singles and teams. A few have chosen the path of commentating, replacing the "old guard" with a freshness born from understanding the system as it is now because they've been there, done that and they can communicate it in a way that makes sense.

And certainly, there is immense pride in those who took the discipline of practice and competition they learned in skating and applied it to becoming scientists, researchers, doctors, lawyers, accountants, nutritionists, trainers and teachers with the same passion and dedication they exhibited in their years on the ice. 

As parents, what more could we ask of the Universe than to see our children follow their passions and make it their lives? I guess the only other thing we could hope is that they see it, acknowledge it and say thank you. It makes us realize that, in some small way, we did something right.



Deja-Vu...All Over Again

While my loyalty to the Boston Red Sox is well recorded, there is one Yankee who coined many, if not most, of my mantras over the past 25 years of competitive skating. Yogi was the one every reporter could count on for what are now called "sound bites" - those juicy bits of language that can sum up a baseball game - or life - in the matter of a few well, or ill-chosen and juxtaposed, words. 

I've been thinking about Yogi a lot lately. So many "Yogi-isms" continue to define my past, present...and apparently my furture. See if you agree:
 

“If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.”

(because...)

 “We made too many wrong mistakes.” 

(however...)

 “You can observe a lot just by watching.”

WHEN IT COMES TO SKATING...

  “90% of the game is half mental.”

(so...)

 “You have to give 100 percent in the first half of the game. If that isn't enough, in the second half, you have to give what's left.”  

(because)

“The future ain’t what it use to be.”

(that's why...)

“When you come to a fork in the road, 

take it.”

(however...)

“It's not too far; it just seems like 

it is.”  

(that explains why...)

“We're lost, but we're making good time.” 

AND WHEN IT COMES TO BLOGGING AND SOCIAL MEDIA...

 “I never said most of the things I said.” 

(so...) 

“If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.”   

(and that's the reason why...)

“Never answer anonymous letters.”

(...direct messages, emails or posts)

FINALLY...

“It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”

(because...)  

“No matter where you go, there you are.” 

 (and, of course...)

AND POST SCRIPT...(PS:)

 “I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary.”

Short Stop to Shameless Self Promotion...Sort Of..

Wednesday, November 7,  starting at Noon Eastern time, famed coach Audrey Weisiger will launch a series of shows on Voice America Internet Radio. For some random and relatively unknown - and certainly unfathomable reason - I am one of her first guests. This is a bit daunting. This is quite flattering. This is...well...not "normal." 

It is interesting that I have only met Audrey very briefly in passing. Of course, I am a big fan. To me, Audrey has always been one of those people I watched on TV and at skating competitions. As a parent, she was always one of my "gold standard" of coaches. Since she began her Grassroots to Champions award-winning program several years ago, as well as my personal favorite Young Artists Showcase (YAS) competition for skaters who want to develop their skills as choreographers, I've grown to truly appreciate her vision of skating, art and creativity. If there is hope for continuing to grow our sport in the face of all the changes that have happened since 2002, in my humble opinion this is the way to do it right.

Now, Audrey sits on the precipice of a new career and I am honored to be one of her first guests. 

I'm a bit confused on how this all came about, however. I know it has something to do with my blog. I know it has something to do with my skater. I only hope it has something to do with my ability to make people laugh, and make people think. Whatever the reason, I'm thrilled.

So here is my "Shameless Self Promotion" for my 15 minutes of fame: Click on the link. Download the free app. Whatever it takes, tune in and support Audrey on her new venture. I hope you enjoy it, learn and grow from the vast array of topics she will be covering over the next few months. 

And if you have questions, just send them to her in advance at audrey.weisiger@yahoo.com. I have a lot of questions. Hopefully, I'll have some answers, too. Well, if not "answers," at least some paths to explore in your own journey. 

And as Charles Osgood of CBS Sunday Morning says, "I'll see you on the (internet) radio." Wednesday, November 7, Noon Eastern Time / 9AM Pacific Time, and all those times in between. 

Where’s Waldo? The challenges of finding reliable information in the information age.

A good friend just passed along a great Mommy Blog from a new skating parent. http://icemom.blogspot.com/ . Read it; especially if you are a new skating parent. This mom, who apparently is an editor by vocation, offers some wonderful links and insights into where to find information and resources.

I wish someone had done this for us twenty years ago. Instead, we had to rely on books (gasp), young coaches, well-meaning but not always informed club officers and, occasionally, on information and comments written on the doors of bathroom stalls. Well, that is a bit of an exaggeration, but not too far from the truth.

What interested me was that things have essentially not changed. Even in the era of easy access to news and information, there is still a dearth of qualified and trusted sources to answer questions. Of course, there are a lot of questions to be answered. One thing that surprises me, too, is that parents are not aware of sources available within our own federation. The other “Of course” is that finding that information within the pages of usfigureskating.org is not an easy thing.

To assist with contacts on the parents committee for a region, here is the link. Yes, I had to search it out, but I had an idea of where to look. It still took me several minutes.
http://www.usfigureskating.org/Story.asp?cat=7&id=949

Some words of caution on all sources, including ours: Make sure you are clear about what you need to know; don’t listen to other parents (including us) and expect that their experiences will align with your specific needs. When it comes to useful information, it’s still is a game of “Where’s Waldo” out there, folks. Just make sure you find what you’re looking for; make sure it comes from a reliable source. If it concerns medical or professional issues, check out the governing body website and professional certification (PSA) sites first for links and resources.

The most important thing to remember: Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Believe us, you’re not alone.